This episode was supposed to be called “Things Used to be Easier: And Other Lies I Tell Myself.” And while I’ve figured out that that episode will most likely be about understanding and dismantling thought distortions, I’m not there yet with it.
As I’ve thought and written about the topic this week, another theme has emerged: things that I now know at 59 that I wished I would have known years ago. So, in the spirit of “Done is Better Than Perfect,” this episode will be a listicle. {Wink and a nod to Broke Ass Gormet, Gabi Moskowitz and Brandie Kajino}
What do I wish I would have known at 19 instead of 59?
- Pick a better major. And don’t bother with the teaching certificate.
- Most of what you were taught about relationships, religion, politics and money aren’t true.
- The older you get, the happier you’ll be.
- You’re smarter than you realize right now.
- It gets better, but you’ll always carry your life experiences with you. Get some professional help to work through that shit.
- Let go of people who don’t support you, even if–no, especially if–they’re family.
- Be yourself. You don’t realize it now, but you’re enough. You’re perfect.
- If you ever have the opportunity to skip work to watch the Shins record a music video (and you will), take it, because you’ll be laid off for that stupid job the next day.
- There’s never a perfect time to do anything.
- Give up on people sooner.
- When you feel stuck, do the next best thing you know how to do, no matter how small.
- Don’t bother to get straight A’s in college. No one will ever ask you for your GPA in a job interview.
- You can’t push a rope.
- Let go of the illusion that things should have been different.
- Don’t waste time loving someone who will never love you in return.
- You can do hard things.
- This may be hard to hear, but one day you’re going to be a feminist.
- There are no shortcuts to relationships.
- Stop explaining yourself. There’s no need. You have nothing to prove.
- You’re stronger than you know.
- It’s o.k. to play and be silly.
- Other people’s lives and accomplishments mean nothing in the context of you.
- Your future isn’t decided by what’s happened to you.
- You’ve been led to believe otherwise, but you’re an introvert. Embrace it. It’s glorious.
- It’s not your job to make anyone understand anything.
- Perfection is overrated.
- The loss of a friendship isn’t as devastating as you think. Most friends aren’t meant to be friends forever.
- Embrace every part of you.
- Someday you’ll be grateful for the experiences that brought you the most pain.
- You can’t control everything to avoid pain. Stop trying.
- Housework never goes away and no one really cares about it as much as you’ve been taught to believe.
- Stop being so damn polite. When you see injustice, speak up. When you disagree, speak up.
- Know when to let go.
- Everything you were taught the first 16 years of your life is crap; you’re going to spend years deconstructing it.
- Embrace aging. It’s a gift.
- Allow yourself to be the villain in someone else’s story. It feels amazing.
- You lie to yourself all of the time. It’s not your fault. You’ll learn how to identify the lies and let them go.
- Stop fighting your hair. Find a good stylist.
- Ignore most people’s advice. Listen to your gut. You’ll get it right most of the time.
- Productivity is overrated.
- Frame each phase of your life like this, and you’ll enjoy it so much more: this is as good as it gets.
- Be willing to suck at whatever you’re doing.
- It’s not your job to protect anyone from the consequences of their actions.
- You get to change your mind whenever you want. Do it.
- You’re a wonderful mother. Do less. Sit back and enjoy your children.
- Stop cleaning. No one cares.
- No one will ever love you as much as your Nanna did. It’s just not possible.
- You are a super connector.
- Common sense is underrated, and you have it in spades. Lean into it.
- All of your pain comes from thinking things should have been different.
- People who don’t treat you well, never will no matter what you do. Let them go.
- You don’t have to be good at everything.
- You will meet your best friends the second half of your life.
- When you think something is important, ask yourself if you’ll still think it is in 20 years. Chances are, you won’t.
I’ve definitely forgotten some, but it feels good to have collected and recorded these for starters. What would you add to the list?
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