I’ve been feeling very unsettled this past week. I can’t quite put my finger on why, but it probably has something to do with uncertainty.
There’s the job I applied for: I’m still waiting to hear about that. So there’s the not knowing.
I rarely talk about politics on this podcast, but we all know there’s a presidential election coming up in November. I’m optimistic, but until our new president has taken the oath of office in January, there’s some uncertainty there, too.
Retired not even two months, my husband has been approached with a unique job opportunity. He’s still waiting on an offer, but he’s open to the possibility. More uncertainty.
We haven’t closed on the condo. We haven’t even set a closing date. But we’ve met with the mortgage broker a couple of times, and we’re setting ourselves up for a smooth closing: last week we had the home inspection; we’ve moved money into place; we’ve uploaded the required documents. But there’s this lingering thought that everything will be better, easier–or maybe “I will feel more at ease”–once we’ve closed on the condo.
I also find myself threading the needle of staying in a zen-like place of abundance while not spending money frivolously. Honestly, it’s where I like to live. Maybe the challenge now, is staying out of fear, you know that scrimp and save and barely get by mindset. That sense of lack.
I don’t like uncertainty. Never have. I like knowing. Setting expectations. Something solid, you know, that you can hang your hat on.
Even as I say that it occurs to me that some of the certainty I used to think existed was an illusion. The unspoken rules of when and how you retire. The pithy sayings:
“Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” That’s some fucking bullshit. Some people work multiple jobs and will never be healthy, wealthy or wise. They will always be poor. It’s just not that easy.
And, of course, I’ve learned that certainty can lead to complacency. Look at what happened in 2016.
Waiting around for certainty is a form of perfectionism.
If I’m honest, for me it all comes down to fear. Remember when I was asking, “What if we can’t buy the condo? What if we can?” See how I managed to find fear both ways?!
So what’s the antidote to uncertainty? One of the best things I do for myself every week, I do on Sundays. I take a look at my calendar and all of the tasks that I’ve set for myself for the upcoming week, and I re-evaluate and prioritize them. I identify the single most important thing and a few other B-level things I will accomplish that week. Then I downgrade, reschedule and/or delete everything else. This provides me with clarity, eliminates overwhelm, and I feel a sense of accomplishment and pride at the end of each week, because I’ve guaranteed my own success.
There’s also a sense of doing what’s in my control to do. I imagine the outcome that I know I want, and, assuming things fall my way, know certain things need to be done in order to pave the way. My contributions, my actions, alleviate my uncertainty.
And I lean into Jennifer Pastiloff’s clarifying question: “Where am I deciding that it’s hard beforehand?”
It’s up to me. I get to decide. To quote Orson Welles, “If you want a happy ending, it depends on where you stop the story.”
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