Here I am, five months into this podcast, and I realize that I haven’t been completely transparent with you. If I’m going to be honest, and talk about everything that I want, I have to talk about my weight.
I’ve been resisting it because, well, you know. It’s cringe.
It’s embarrassing
It brings up old diet trauma. I have been defined by my weight–and I’ve defined myself by my weight–off and on since I was 12.
And I’m just sick of it.
Life is about more than a number on a scale.
But this is different. This is not that. At all. None of it.
This isn’t about how I will look twenty pounds thinner. Or even about how my clothes will fit or how I’ll feel. Although all of those things are definitely bonuses.
This is different. This is, “There isn’t a single health metric that wouldn’t be better for me if I didn’t lose 20 pounds. Not a single one.” This is science. This is irrefutable. And this is me making a choice that directly impacts my future. And you know I’m all about consciously making choices.
It was my cardiologist who first gave me the 20-pound goal. That was nearly ten years ago. And I did it. I lost 20 pounds, and maintained that range for a couple of years. Until I didn’t.
It wasn’t until I met with the liver specialist in Iowa City at the end of April that I decided to recommit to losing 20 pounds. And I gave myself a year to do it, because that’s when I’ll be seeing the specialist again.
In my head I thought, “Twenty pounds in a year. That’s do-able. That’s fewer than two pounds a month. Who couldn’t do that?! Anyone could” And yet I haven’t. Well, a little, but not really. I’ve started a few times, but mostly just fucked around.
Here’s the data: I weighed 175.8 April 24th, the day I flew to Iowa to see the specialist. This morning, the day that I’m drafting this episode, July 22nd, I weighed 173.6. For the record, I’m 5’5” tall.
So 2.2 pounds. I’ve lost 2.2 pounds over the past three months. Only 17.8 pounds to go! And only nine months to lose it. That’s still 2 pounds a month. Doable, right?
Looking back over the past few months I feel like what I’m missing is consistency. I’m also missing a why. You know, the reason you choose the healthy option even though fries are delicious. Not that you can’t ever have fries, but when you’re always choosing the fries, that’s a problem.
But if I’m telling myself that I want to consistently make choices that will improve my health outcomes, even I am bored. And it’s my life. This is not a good enough reason.
Yesterday I hopped onto my new health insurance’s website for members to see what kinds of benefits are available to me. As I poked around I came across a health assessment test. So I took it. And what pushed me right over the edge was they asked for a waist measurement. So I got out the tape measure and pulled up my t-shirt. 39 inches! At the belly button. You’ve gotta be kidding me! There’s no way that’s possible. But it’s true. I had Cory confirm it. Ugh.
I guess these health assessment people know what they’re doing, because immediately after recording the waist measurement I set some goals for myself, based on their suggestions. And they’re what you’d expect. Lose weight, eat better, move more and lift more.
By the way, it’s not that I don’t understand all of the elements of losing weight. I do. My mom joined Weight Watchers back in the early 70s. I could tell you the calorie count in anything by the time I was 7. I understand the principles. But there’s a disconnect between my brain and my hand shoving food into my mouth.
I understand the role sleep plays. If sleep were an Olympic sport, I would have at least one bronze medal. Sleep is an art form with me.
Water, on the other hand, has never been my strong suit. So I’ve set a goal to drink two glasses a day. I understand that it’s not enough. But we know I’m not going to go from drinking half a glass to eight full glasses overnight, so I don’t want to hear about it.
The only thing I’m going to do differently with my food is to stop eating when I’m full. Crazy, right? And yet for me, that’s a problem. When I stop overeating, I am golden.
With regards to moving more I’m committed to going to the gym 4 times a week and walking at least three times a week. I live downtown, and we only have one car, so let’s be clear, we walk everywhere. The gym? I started calendaring it a couple of weeks ago, and it’s been a game changer. Note to self: If I’m only there for 20 minutes, it still counts.
One thing that I realize that I’m lacking is accountability. So if it’s all the same to you, I’m going to use all of you as accountability buddies. Probably not here on the podcast, per se. That sounds boring. But maybe I’ll do weekly weigh ins on TikTok. Or at least share stats there. What do you think? TMI?
My TikTok account, in case you want to follow along, is called MyAct4 (number 4).
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